Saturday, May 30, 2009

More than One Master(Domme)

After reflection on the past two weeks, some good discussions with Mistress, and some wonderful advice from anthony, i feel like some of my problems may have been misdiagnosed. i am not excusing it but trying to identify my weaknesses and what causes them, Ultimately, the result is the same no matter what the cause, but i feel if i can be aware of the things that cause this breakdown, then i can do better by Mistress.

Mainly, i am a lazy person. i know myself well enough that i have two speeds. Stop and Go. And it's ALL stop and ALL go. So when things get to a point where i am not doing things that are meeting Mistress' needs and not even doing things for myself, then i am at stop. When i felt this and got a swift kick in the ass to get moving, i got right to work. Not being lazy, but misdirected my energy. i get in the mode of cleaning and doing more chores so Mistress has to do less. The problem with it was not the chores were bad, but the REAL needs that have been clearly presented had been overlooked. When it all came down, i realized i was putting things i thought were important and submissive to Mistress instead of doing what She requested.

Add to all this the visit on my overbearing parents and my daughter's first sleepover for her 7th birthday. She had 5 girls sleep over and it seems some of them felt that i was their slave. Being a people pleaser created a situation in which i was throwing gasoline on the fire(instead of water). i am sure this put me further and further in the dog house even thought i felt like i was working very hard to well by everyone. When, the only person i needed to be doing well by was Mistress.

These are by no mean excuses or justifications for my behavior but identification of things that cause me to behave in a way that is not becoming of the submissive Mistress deserves and i wish to be.

A special "thank you" to anthony for his comment on my earlier post. he really has a wonderful way with words and i am jealous on how well he can express himself and how clearly he can present his thoughts. i look forward to spending more time with both anthony and Domina so i garner more advice from O/our new friends.

1 comment:

  1. j-

    Thank you for you very kind comments about anthony. I am so glad he was able to help you. I am so very proud of him : )