Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Cuckolding: A Domme's Perspective


Mistress' post regarding a comment She received. It has spawned some great thoughts. Here it is:

When you write a blog, you open yourself up to comments and thoughts from others. By and large, the comments I receive are supportive and appreciative. On occasion I receive a comment that is critical. I received this comment today and felt it would make a good blog post.
The comment reads: “Sounds like that is it for your marriage unless hubby can stand your obvious desire for other men. Ask yourself this: Do you have any interest in j sexually other than as an object of your pleasure? If not, you should let him know and see how he feels. It looks to me you are confusing dominance with sexual boredom, because your guy can't "man up" in the bedroom.
Sorry if this seems harsh, but cuckoldry is playing with fire, and you might want to ask yourself (assuming you actually care for j) what he is getting out of it.
And yes, I've read the other two posts on this topic.
Clarence”
MIstress' response: “I appreciate your comment and realize it was placed after thought and out of concern for My marriage. I can assure you that cuckolding was not something either one of us entered into lightly. We had discussed the issue quite a bit at different times, and came to the conclusion it was the path for us. Read: US. Not for Me, not for him, but for Us together as a couple. j is my husband first, my submissive second. Feel free to ask him if he sees this as a problem, if he feels like he cannot satisfy me, if he prefers that things be different. I can assure you that is not the case. he has told me this, and he has written this on his own blog, Serving My Mistress. 
j is not by any means a groveling on the floor type of submissive. That’s just not who he is. He can and DOES speak his mind, especially when something is bothering him. Can he satisfy me? Sure! Do I enjoy being able to tease him and taunt him, letting him know that another man is doing it for me? Absolutely! j’s ONLY deficiencies in the bedroom are that he is small (which has never been an issue for me) and that he cannot last a long time (something we have remedied quite well with numbing cream). Aside from that, he is a phenomenal lover, whether the sex is traditional, vanilla sex or full-blown, out and out raunchy D/s sex. 
You are right when you say that cuckolding is a dangerous path. I agree, wholeheartedly. Then again, that could be said about many different aspects of Dominance and submission. But ultimately, the path we are taking is one we chose to take, together. I respect j’s limits, but more than that, I am cognizant of his feelings. I have never been the type of Domme that goes through life without a care in the world about the feelings of her submissive. Rather, I want him to be happy.
My blog includes time away, sometimes months at a time when D/s was not working for us for whatever reason. During these times, we generally have a more vanilla relationship, at least in the sexual sense. And who is it who comes back begging for more D/s? He does. After my submissive came and visited us for a few days, j was immediately trying to figure out how we could travel and spend more time together. 
Rather than asking myself, as you suggest, what j gets out of cuckoldry, I felt it best to ask him. 

19 comments:

  1. Very aptly put...my Wife and i relate to this post so very closely...i am submissive to my Wife, Q....and besides D/s "play"...we too practice some edgier vanilla sex as well...(Her on top!)...and cuckoldry is a part of our marriage as well...Q has lovers She enjoys outside of our bed...but as You wrote...She lets me know in so many ways that i am Her husband first...Our marriage and family are priority one...my being submissive to Her is a just a natural thing to us...and Her option to take other lovers is not just about Dominating me...it's about Her pleasure as well...She often calls it Her "Me Time"...Thank You for sharing this with us...i hope it helps those considering the cuckolding dynamic for their own marriage to seriously think it through...and talk together about this before leaping into other people's beds!

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  2. It's great to hear there are other D/s couple who have been able to find a happy balance between D/s, vanilla life, cuckolding, and life. It sound like you and Q are very much like U/us. Sometimes in this lifestyle it is hard to find other people of "like mind" within the BDSM community. Thanks for reading!

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  3. My husband, "k" shared this wonderful post with me. Let me just say to you little bitch, (I love your name!) what a lucky man you are to have such a wonderfully understanding, and loving dominant woman in your life. And I know first hand, as well does your Mistress, what a wonderful gift our submissive husbands give us everyday! Please convey to your wife how refreshing it is to hear a real woman express her feelings and share her exploration of her own sexuality, as opposed to some scripted, male fantasy version of what practicing D/s, including cuckolding, is really all about. I will be following your journeys closely from now on!

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  4. Q-
    Mistress and i are very flattered to have such kind words said about U/us, O/our writing, and O/our thoughts. Thank you so much for reading and your wonderful sentiment. Let me tell You that Your comment here brought a smile to both of O/our faces. W/we are very real and try to convey that here and with all of O/our interactions with O/our readers. Don't hesitate to drop U/us an email or chat here. Thanks again.

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  5. I've followed the link from k's site to here to read this feature. For some reason I feel that this type of cuckolding would be more acceptable to me than the 'normal' type, Mistress with a Bull kind of thing. I think because you were involved in the whole process and it was something that was done 'together'.... certainly the way it reads it feels much more of 'loving' type of cuckolding, than the other kind.
    Did this happen in February, as your counter says this was the last time you were allowed inside your Mistress?

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  6. Robert_Anthony-Thanks for the comment. i am right there with you on your take on how this all played out. The fact that Mistress was relentless about keeping the lines of communication open between everyone and it was experienced 'together' made all the difference. You hit the nail on the head. And no, the event happened back in November in order to let things settle i delayed posting about it. i also corrected the counter. Thanks for pointing that out. ;-)

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  7. Very well stated reply. I think cuckoldry can be "safer" than what many do without their partners knowledge, both from a physical safety standpoint and emotional as well.

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