A Wonderful Night Ruined....

...by me.

Thursday is my scheduled long night at work, due to O/our daughter's after school activities. With what she has and where it is located, it doesn't make sense to go home in between, so i stay at work and try to get things done.

Just like most days recently, things have been very hectic and busy at work. i was pleasantly surprised when i received a text message from Mistress instructing me to go into the bathroom and stroke Her cock and stop before climaxing, three times. i texted back asking if She desired proof(video). She did. i was very excited. i love making videos for Mistress and it has been a while since She has requested one. The only other instruction was that to make it different. This was a challenge since i was at work and had little to work with.(no pun intended) So i proceeded to the bathroom to complete my task. i was already half bulging out of my pants before i even got started i was so excited. i managed to make video of about 5 min in length and tried to dress(or undress) it up. i do desire for Mistress come up with different things She would like to see on video.

i was pretty wound up most of the day after that. Mistress continued to send hot messages that kept getting me excited for Her. i knew She had a hold on me since it is difficult to snap out of the "work world" and be there in that mindset. Many times, even when i am speaking with Mistress on the phone, i am interrupted by other phone calls, customers, and employees.

The later part of the day was spent trying to balance trying to post up the video for Mistress(video was too large to email) and getting things done. In the messaging back and forth, Mistress has commented that She thought there were changes in store for this weekend's "Take 2" with Domina and anthony. W/we somehow got on the discussion of hard limits and i felt like i wanted to discuss this with Mistress and try to explore my feelings. The problem arose when i arrived home last night that my daughter was being particularly chatty and needy and i was having a difficult time accessing those feelings. By nature, i usually start with the negatives, which ends up taring down Mistress' excitement and enthusiasm. Mistress was also all over me, but again, O/our daughter really wouldn't allow for a moments peace. By the time we has some peace and quiet, i was frustrated and defensive. This was not my desired outcome of the evening. Mistress has planned a really hot evening and i had basically flushed it down the toilet.

i felt really bad. i was looking forward to the evening with Her and i had managed to dismantle the entire thing with insensitive comments and being closed. i know that i have a hard time tapping what i am feeling about things. The problem is that i like to gather opinions and then i derive my own. The other problem is that i hadn't given any thought to the topic at hand. So i had nothing.

i really love the way Mistress set up the whole day and the way She flirted with me on and off. i know i was cold and closed, but i am sorry for what occurred. i thankful for all She does and for having me write in this blog. i feel that i can put my feelings out in a clear an helpful way by writing here.

One of the texts W/we have been sharing back and forth has been.

i love You.

i need You.

i want You.

That will always be true for me.