When i met Mistress, She told me that masturbation was healthy as long as i was open with Her. That was much more difficult than it sounded. i had spent many years being taught it was bad and i should be ashamed of it. Mistress encouraged me to to not be so secretive about it but was never successful in overcoming this hurdle. i would continue to masturbate in private and keep it secret. Over time, Mistress became frustrated with me since i was still toting along this bad habit. This, of course, was all before W/we entered into O/our D/s relationship.
At first, i gave Mistress control over my orgasms through the use of a CB-3000 as a gift. This forced me to be very aware of who and when someone would touch Her cock. Relinquishing control over my orgasms was difficult but i had to undo 10+ years of this problem. W/we had ups and downs and as time went on and Mistress allowed me to not locked up in the CB-3000. i had developed some problems with chafing and irritation and coincidentally at that same time Mistress had increased her control over me.
Through the giving up of orgasms by myself and having Mistress control every time Her cock is to be touched i was able to remove the monkey from my back. i could not have done this without her. The only time i am allowed to touch Her cock is when She commands me to masturbate for Her. This pleases me also. But it pleases me that it turns Her on and makes Her feel more in control.
Now i am free of this problem. Now i am free to please Her. Instead of orgasms just being a utilitarian function that is selfish and solitary, they are something that belongs to Mistress for Her pleasure. And that, more than anything, makes me happy. To please her. To know that when I cum, it is for Her and Her only. This makes these moments so much more special and makes me want to please Her more and more. Even when we have "vanilla" sex, i still ask Her permission to cum because it is Her cock and She decides what happens to it. i am a very lucky man to have such a wonderful Mistress.