Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Dealing with the "Switch"

Work and family activities have keep Mistress and i very busy lately. In addition to O/our responsibilities, sickness and allergies of the the harvest season have reeked havoc on O/our lives. This has really pushed O/our D/s time to the back burner while W/we regroup and recover.

This "drop" most likely occurred after a couple of disappointing weekends with O/our non-vanilla friends. i am happy to say that all is well but that W/we will be waiting for things to regroup and settle down before W/we plan another get together. One of the things that those events stirred was the desire to find some more like minded folks. This search has lead to some observations and revelations on my part.

First, W/we are very lucky to have met and befriended people like Domina and anthony. Not only are T/they great people but rare. What i mean by that is that i am slowly discovering that the BDSM community is a niche group. Within that group is an even smaller sub-section(LOL) of folks in a committed Female Led Relationship. This is my second observation.

Couples in a real Femdom relationship are very rare. There seems to be a large amount of people that are into the play aspect of what D/s may bring, but not so many that are really interested into submitting to their Mistress. This is by no means a judgement, but an observation. It really blows me away that Mistress and i even met up with Domina and anthony at all.

Lastly, there seems to be a large cross-section of the BDSM community that identifies themselves as "Switches" Which brings me to the subject of this post. Mistress and i have had many discussions on "switches". It may be O/our relationship or O/our biased lenses in which W/we view the world, but D/s is not something i feel is swappable.

If one is a true submissive, they cannot turn that off. Being submissive is not just about the bedroom. It is a mindset. It is a lifestyle. i see couples all the time and can tell how it plays out, even if it doesn't show it's head in a form of kink. There is a top and there is a bottom. Black and white. i feel that those folks who can change like a chameleon are mearly into the role-playing aspect of D/s.

This really has become evident to me in the search for other like minded couples on other sites. The male Dom and female sub are the majority and the switches are a close second. The Female Led Relationships are a small section of these people.

i am not sure i will ever understand switching and that i may have upset some of my readers by my statements here but this is something that i have been stewing on for quite a while an wanted to put it out in the open. Everyone should express themselves as they feel fit. But being a submissive, i only see it one way.


  1. this something that i never understood too. i am sure i can't be dominant.

  2. good post.

    I have read about the topic a few times. I am new to BDSM and decided to not pass any judgment. For me, this is not a game I am playing. It is who I am. My wife is gracious to allow my service to her, as long as it remains on her terms. In this I am content. I know for us, there is no switch even available to flip, but that is just us. It is a big world out there.

    On another note, I would agree that overt WLM is a nitch within the BDSM community. However, I see more and more female leadership becoming common in relationships. It is the rare few of these that become overt WLM, but untold others are pseudo living the lifestyle to varying degrees. For instance, I took the kids to the Dr. this week. The Dr. is a woman. Her husband is at home. She works. She mentioned how it has become a "role reversal" for them. I never mentioned WLM or anything even close. I see this type of thing all over now a days. Not apart of BDSM, but becoming more and more common just as an accepted form of relationship.

  3. Good observations...I had not really thought about it much before. So sorry to hear that the allergies and all have had you all down; hope things look up soon and that all feel better!


  4. I only partly agree. I believe it depends very much on the particular relationship and the people involved. I could never be the Dominant one in my marriage, and my wife could never be the submissive.

    But in a past relationship with one of her boyfriends she was very much the submissive to him.

    I have no intimate relationshps with women other than my wife, but if I did I believe I could take the dominant role under certain circumstances.

    However, between my wife and I our places in our very happy relationship are permanently cemented into the very fabric of who we each are. She is the Mistress and I live to serve her every need.