Bad Santa

Well, i have managed to screw things up again. Of course, being my own fault, i am the only one to blame. This Christmas i never managed to get any for Mistress. i spent much time considering what i could get Her, but the problem is that She is so generous and selfless that She never expresses anything She wants(materially). To add to the problem, i am not very good at making decisions by myself. In the past, when i had planned something special for Her for one of the important Holidays of the year, i have ended up sharing it with Her before hand(instead of making it a surprise) and W/we would change it up to something She really wanted to do.

This does not excuse me from not getting Her anything, but in my own little mind, had hoped that She would get me nothing this Christmas and that i could make it up to Her by taking Her out and spoiling Her for the day(Not that Mistress needs a holiday to be taken out). But at least i would feel that She would get what She desires and the money wouldn't be wasted on something She wouldn't like, never use, and just pretend to like.

Her most recent birthday i managed to do about 50%. Which was better than i was expecting since i was running low on ideas. i had been working on it for several months but had been coming up dry. The inspiration came in the 12th hour and i managed to pick something pretty good. Actually, i think She enjoyed all of Her gifts, but i think what She liked the most was Her new watch.

After discussing this with Her today, She made me aware of many little things She would like. The other problem i run into is that i put artificial high expectations on how i would like each Holiday to turn for Her. i desire for every gift i get Mistress to be as meaningful and special as the first gifts W/we exchanged W/we first met. That leads me to make no decision since it doesn't meet my demands. Instead, i should have bought Her small gifts(the act is more important that gift).

i hope to try to make it up to Her this upcoming week, though She doesn't like to spend money on Herself. i think a nice day of pampering is in order. i know i really screwed up this year but i hope to try to make it up to Her All i know is that i better not show up to any holiday empty handed. Sorry Mistress.